Candy Craze by Sarimari Nozuka

- Candy Craze Mission was created by Sarimari Nozuka.  Reviewed by Alfalfa Bokchoy. 

We all love candy, right? Well, I love it more. I think of sweets when I wake up and I think of sweets when I go to sleep. Lately I have even been having dreams about candy. Mmmmm.

Is it normal? The experts agree that it isn't. But what do I care as long as I can have my candy?

Let me tell you a story about my candy craving...It all started with the perfect plan: get a part-time job at the candy and dessert shop. For a few months it was just me and my candy, happy and content:

Things started to go wrong the day I spilled a cream pie on one of the customers. Listen, it's true that I was busy day-dreaming about stuffing my own face with cream pies, but accidents DO happen. Why get so upset?

My angry boss gave me my last warning, so I did what everyone would do in this situation: I ate all the customers' left over cakes and pies...

And got caught. And that was the end of my career in the food industry.

Taking a stroll down the city, I came upon a mysterious candy stand. Hrm... I've never seen this stand before. I was about to move on, but suddenly the most heavenly delight crossed my vision and I nearly fainted.

"Sweet mother of candy goodness!" I blurted out and devoured an entire box in seconds.

More! I needed more and I needed it NOW!

"There's no more," the candy man said, looking a little nervous.

"PLEASE!" I screamed.

"Listen," the man said, "Go find Big Barry at his warehouse. He imports the stuff."

Reaching the warehouse, it occurred to me that Big Barry's operation may be a bit dodgy. I could have sworn I've seen half that stuff in museums before. But I pushed those thoughts aside, because in the middle of the room, in all their magnificent glory, stood crates filled to the brim with... you know it: Malgrovian Pepper Tops!

"I'll do anything to get my hands on a few boxes," I beseeched Big Barry.

Big Barry sniggered and sent me on a few errands. "Deliver these packages, then capture some mice in the warehouse, and we'll talk."

Piece of cake! (Mmmmmm cake...) In no time all errands were completed, plus an unfortunate bite from a mouse, and I left the warehouse with three packets of heaven in a box. Finding a nice park bench I sat and went through the three boxes in a flash. People were staring, but hey, is it a crime to enjoy some candy?

"Pssst! Over here! Follow us"

Am I going crazy, or did a bunch of chocolate kisses just talk to me? Crazy or not, when chocolate tells me to follow, I follow. So I followed and arrived at a magnificent house of candy. Have I died and gone to heaven? There was a honey-glazed turkey and a sumptuous chocolate cake on the table just begging to be eaten. What would you do if you were in my shoes? That's right. I stuffed my face and took a nap in a strange candy bed.

The sound of footsteps woke me up from the blissfully candy-filled dreams. An old hag was standing in the room and yelling about people stealing her food. Surely she was a wicked witch. Why else would an old woman yell about stolen food, huh? I had to quickly take action: get her before she gets me. Grabbing her by the ankle, I shoved her in the oven...

Which is when I woke up in my own bed, concerned faces staring down at me.

They say it was too much candy. They say it was the mouse bite. They say I was delirious. They say candy detox is a must.

I say pffft. No such thing as too much candy!

Whether you love candy or not, Sarimari Nozuka's surreal and beautifully-written mission is bound to draw you into the dangerously insane world of candy craving. Try it today, you won't regret it.

Go here to start the mission.

- Mission review by Alfalfa Bokchoy